Way Too Many Feels

Remember "Free Writes" from Elementary school? Well this post is all over the place so brace yourself.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. By thinking, I mean feeling. I am trying to become more aware of what I am feeling and why. It is important to reflect for me, otherwise I lock myself in my house for a day and I overthink my whole existence. This also could explain why I make the art that I do. I recently retook the Meyer Briggs Personality test and the results were so spot on that it even suggested that I chose Graphic Design, Painting or Writing as a career...INSAAAANE.

INFP

The Healer

Short Description: Curious, loyal, understanding, and idealistic. Doesn't stray from core values.

Known as the "Healers," INFPs are idealistic and visionary. They are dedicated to their values and to their family and friends. INFPs strive to live a life that closely conforms with their values. Representing roughly 4 percent of the general population, INFPs are inquisitive and quick to see different potential scenarios. Healers work to comprehend people and to help them reach their own personal potential. They are resilient, willing to change, and accepting of others unless they oppose their core values. Healers have a profound sense of idealism that comes from a strong personal sense of right and wrong. They conceive of the world as an ethical, honorable place, full of wondrous possibilities and potential goods.

Strengths

• Are concerned about the wellbeing of others
• Perceive and are sensitive to the feelings of others
• Have long term loyalty and commitment
• Possess a deep capacity for caring and love
• Are driven to meet expectations of others
• Strive for amicable, positive situations
• Are supportive, nurturing and encouraging
• Easily recognize and respect other's need for space
• Express themselves well
• Are adaptable and diverse

Weaknesses

• Are often shy or reserved
• Are protective of their personal space
• Avoid conflict and criticism
• Constantly search for praise and credit
• May react emotionally to high pressure situations
• Have difficulty leaving bad relationships
• Avoid scolding or punishing others
• May take longer to share their feelings
• Have perfectionist tendencies that may cause a lack of self-credit
• Tend to display a lot of self-blame

UMMMM. Yes that is me. Nothing in there is NOT me. Lately I have been evaluating my small circle of friends. I AM an idealist. I have this little life cheerleader in my head telling me that everyone around me has the potential to be amazing and feel good. Most of the time I am in my own little world of thought and possibility. Completely unaware of my surroundings or what's happening in real life. I am accepting of most people because I am able to see other perspectives easily. In fact, I am fascinated by the way other people see the world because I am so deep into my own.  I can be spontaneous and I love a good adventure. I love to be supportive of other people, it makes me feel good. I love giving my friends advice. I want every situation to be positive and I can easily express myself through my art, my writing, my dancing. BUT, when it comes to telling people what is going on in my head, it takes me a while to extract my thoughts and vocalize them. Sometimes it even comes out to be the complete opposite of how I feel. It's like emotional dyslexia. Which is where my weaknesses come in...

I know everyone is critical of themselves. But I feel like it's even harder when it's difficult to be open about your feelings. It causes me to isolate myself until eventually, I either write like I am doing now, maybe cry a little bit or make some art with absolutely no direction. Now I am learning this is because I am introverted which means I am energized by my inner world. I definitely avoid conflict because of the whole "every situation should be positive" delusion. I will let things build up until I explode with emotion and then I become this crazy monster you thought you knew. I also have a firm set of "rights" and "wrongs" that I do stick by which can be good and bad. It has caused a few of my relationships to fade out because of disagreements on values. I am a firm believer in honesty, getting what you give and sticking to your word. This makes for a small circle of friends who know me on a deep level because I am able to open up to certain types of people but accepting of all/most.

I have come to the understanding that my art reflects my inner world. In a lot of my photos, I am the subject because I know me the best. I know how I feel even though I cannot explain it to someone directly. I use imagery instead of words and I use this blog for a deeper understanding of myself. It has helped me see myself and the way I would like others to see me. So if you read this long ass rant, then you must care about me, so thank you. I would love for everyone to learn more about what goes on in their brains. It would make for better communication and understanding of the people we surround ourselves with. <3

Take the Meyer Briggs Personality Test here.